Ingenious ways to use the almighty Vaseline
Effective panaceas are difficult to find in the modern age. And while many have been touted, the true cure-alls are few and far between. Vaseline, however, holds many of the traits that we might ascribe to a miracle substance — it can be used for everything from cleaning your cupboards to smoothing your elbows. Here, we give you the best secret uses for the almighty Vaseline.
1. The best lip gloss
We’ve all been there: You’re looking to go to your best friend’s party but can’t find any lip gloss. Boy, isn’t that a bummer. Well, fortunately for you, you can grab that jar of untainted Vaseline and prepare yourself for a genius move. The trick here is to mix the viscous putty with Kool-Aid — another item you’re bound to have lying around in abundance.
Once mixed, the concoction creates the perfect (and perfectly colorful) lip gloss. Moreover, unlike your other run-of-the-mill lip glosses, this one might actually taste good. Neat! Now, if you’re not the partying and lip-gloss-wearing type, the stuff might be more suitable for your children. Here, you can get their lips gleaming for a Halloween costume or birthday party. Whatever it is, it’s Vaseline to the rescue.
2. Painting wood
Another place we often find ourselves is in the realm of refurnishing. And here, we often like to try new looks with paints and trims. In regard to the paint, however, many people don’t realize how the Vaseline they have lurking in their cupboard somewhere might help them out. And this is where this article comes in. Grab that Vaseline and get ready.
Vaseline, whether you believe it or not, can help you to give wood a cool and hip distressed look. When you apply the stuff to the wood you want to paint, the paint that goes over it will not stick to the Vaseline. What this means is that you can carefully spread the stuff, paint over it, and end up with a neat distressed look. And who knew — all you needed was that Vaseline.
3. Remedy dry feet
One of the more unfortunate consequences of having a dry home is having dry feet. While the curse doesn’t affect everybody equally, the vicissitudes of central air are clear for everyone to see. Anyway, even if you live in an extremely moist climate, you might have to deal with the pains of dry and cracking feet. Here we aim to help.
Vaseline, in case you didn’t know, can be applied to the cracking areas as a remedy. The petroleum jelly substance will help to keep the areas wet and insulated. To do this best, you’ll want to apply the stuff before you go to sleep and then put socks on. This way, the stuff won’t get rubbed off as much. Try this out and we’ll bet you use the method again.
4. Fix that stuck zipper
One of the worst parts about being human is wearing pants. While dogs, cats, and dolphins get to live the good life, we are stuck here wearing the two-legged monstrosities. Anyway, our plight is made all the worse by the fact that sometimes the zippers on these pants get stuck. Ugh. This bedraggled existence can only take us so far.
Fortunately, Vaseline and its many uses has come to the rescue — and just in time. If you’re looking for a way to rescue yourself from that trenchant despondency, now is your chance. Vaseline, when applied to the stuck zipper, can help the interlocking metal teeth loosen and slip by one another. This, in case you were unaware, will unstick the zipper. You’re welcome.
5. Moisturize your lashes
Vaseline is one of those things that is sort of like a cure-all. Hence the saying, “A vat of Vaseline a day will keep the doctor away.” While this might indeed not be an actual saying, it will at least help to keep in mind the near-infinite utility of the viscous putty substance. And here, that utility can be spread quite literally to the lashes. This will help, we swear.
When you use Vaseline on your eyelashes, it will help them to stay moisturized. This is helpful as an alternative to mascara, which we all know to be one of the more cumbersome products out there. When you apply the stuff to your lashes, expect them to stay hydrated for as long as the stuff sits there — and perhaps even a bit thereafter. You’re welcome for this priceless trick.
6. Help with phone scratches
If you have scratches on your phone, you are likely to be one of the many people who are careless and irresponsible. Just kidding. However, if you do have scratches on your phone, you will know the associated problems all too well. Maybe they emit a horrible glare, maybe they prevent you from seeing important parts of your home screen. Whatever the effect, scratches are not good.
With Vaseline, however, you may as well consider these problems a thing of the past. OK, not really. But the stuff will help to assuage the nasty problems that the cracks often yield. With a little bit of Vaseline between them, they won’t appear as glaring. While this won’t by any means heal the cracks, it will help to act as a buffer between them and your waning sanity.
7. Get rid of horrible blackheads
Living with pores can sometimes be a drag. These pores often get full of dirt and grime that can quickly accumulate to become something worse: a blackhead. And these blackheads, if left to fester, can grow to consume large sections of the pores. Gross. To help prevent this from happening, some brilliant soul discovered some way to use Vaseline to help. Here’s how.
When you apply Vaseline to the skin and use with it some plastic wrap, you can squeeze the hardened dirt from the skin. The oily goo helps to release the grime from the pores such that it will no longer pose a problem to you. This is fortunate if you at all find the things annoying. And, if you’re anything like us, this will be true.
8. Smooth lips
Another plight of being human is having lips that get dry and crack. This can be especially tedious if you’ve been out in the sun for a long time — strong UV exposure is never conducive to smooth and healthy lips. Fortunately for us, some have discovered that, with a little bit of Vaseline, this terrible problem can be rectified into nonexistence. What a relief!
When you apply the petroleum Vaseline to your lips, the cracks and crevices that have made their stay will quickly go away. Like those cracks in your phone screen, the cracks in your lips will pose no real force against the panacea of petroleum jelly. Next time you’re dealing with the aftermath of a vicious sunburn, then, we recommend that you give this a try.
9. Leather scuffs no more
When you get scuffs on your expensive leather clothing, we all know what you think: “Welp, I guess it’s time to throw this thing out.” Well, fortunately for you, there is a far less expensive (and environmentally friendly!) solution to this problem. The solution? Douse the scuffs in a generous serving of Vaseline and they’ll be almost as good as new.
When the Vaseline is applied to the worn and torn leather, the result is something more than just fashionable. Rather, the beleaguered leather will quickly look as good as new. Given that the stuff costs a proverbial (and literal, for the cow) arm and leg, it’s better that you try to fix it rather than throw it out. You and your wallet will thank us later.
10. Better hair-dying experience
If you’ve ever tried to dye your hair on your own, you’ll know all too well the problems that come with it. Other than the variable color that you get with a box of dye (you thought you got blond? Think again!), there are also problems that come with any color you get. The most salient of these problems is likely the dye that will inevitably soak to the lower parts of your forehead.
If you want to avoid such an embarrassment, you can resort to that lovely cure-all we call Vaseline! When you apply the stuff to the areas of the forehead that you would rather not have besmirched by ugly color stains, the dye won’t have a chance of seeping into your otherwise beautiful forehead. You might want to send a letter to Vaseline to let them know how thankful you are.
11. Keep things paint-free
There are many solutions for keeping electrical outlets, door handles, and the like paint-free when redoing the colors of your house. Everything from masking tape to Saran Wrap is commonly proffered as a way to avoid the mess. If you’re in a pinch, however, you could just as easily use Vaseline. This secret trick will work wonders for any surface you’d like to keep clean.
When painting, then, you might want to think about applying some of the gooey substance to the areas you would rather keep clean. The result will inevitably be a set of surfaces that will gleam in all the light they kept originally. If this is your intent, then thank us later for the perfection. You might even want to apply some extra to be safe.
12. Repair those scratched CDs
Now, you may be asking yourself, does anybody use CDs and DVDs anymore? The answer is no. Still, however, knowing that the discs might still be functional can provide solace to even the most callous of psychopaths. And because of this, you might want to prepare yourself with some Vaseline. You ready? So are we.
Vaseline can help to repair the scratched surfaces of discs in any form by filling them in with its magical chemical formula. Afterward, it won’t take long for the disc to work nearly as good as new. While the petroleum jelly might ruin whatever DVD or CD player you’re using, the newly broken technology might just motivate you enough to buy Spotify. And for this, you might thank us.
13. Smooth cuticles
If you’re anything like us, you’ve had this problem: You’re sitting there enjoying your day, but then you look down. What do you see? You see a handful of rough cuticles that are splintered with time and age. Rather than succumb to a lethargic fate, you decide to take action. And what should you do to remedy this problem? Vaseline.
Vaseline, when massaged into the cuticles, will induce a state far smoother than anything previously realized. You couldn’t get cleaner cuticles on the hands of a freshly born baby! One of the best ways to get this task done is to rub the stuff into the nails with the help of an electric toothbrush. Such an effort will easily get the stuff into your toughened nails. You’re welcome.
14. Earrings with ease
If you’re anything like me you will have struggled at one point or another to get in your earrings. Perhaps your ears are a little resistant. Perhaps your earring holes are smaller than the rings that you would like to place inside of them. Either way, Vaseline can help you with your problems. So, like with everything on this list, grab your Vaseline and let’s get cooking.
Here, the Vaseline will help you to get the petulant part of the earring into your ear. And from here, considering that the gel is sanitary, you and your earrings will be perfectly fine and set in place. You can thank us for this one at your next gathering. When you ease in your best pair of fine jewelry, you’ll be happy you had that Vaseline handy.
Sometimes we just don’t have time to make it to the store. This can be especially awful if our hands are dry and cracking. And, if you live in the working world, where standard heating and air conditioning rule the day, this is likely the terrible situation in which you find yourself almost every day. But what if you run out of lotion and have nowhere else to turn? Bleak!
Well, in this case, you’ll want to reach into whatever bag you have and grab your handy-dandy jar of Vaseline. When you do, you’ll then mix it with some vitamin E cream. With this lovely concoction, you’ll have a lotion that not only revitalizes your skin, but also lasts with revived hydration. You’ll thank us for this one later.
16. Increase duration of perfume
Are you ever upset by the inability of your perfume to last a reasonable amount of time? So are we. And since the dawn of human civilization, people have been looking for a solution to this problem. Now, however, with the creation of this petroleum substance, scientists have concocted the perfect answer: Vaseline.
When you rub Vaseline on the area to which you exposed the perfume, the sealant will prevent the scent from releasing to the surrounding air. Because of this, the scent will last longer than usual. This is great if you’re going to party for several hours at a time — something we suspect is true. So give this one a try and let us know how it goes.
17. Carving pumpkins
Vaseline is one of those things that has so many uses, that to circumscribe it to one or two would be insulting to all the people of Nicaragua. And considering that these are some of the most hospitable and gracious of folks, you might want to think again before you embark on such an insult. And here, you can think again when carving pumpkins.
Amazingly, when you apply some Vaseline to the inside of your pumpkin before carving, it’ll make the carving that much easier. So, if you’re looking for assiduous precision on your next pumpkin-carving adventure, we’d recommend that you give this a try. The result will likely be a pumpkin that supersedes the qualities of all your neighbors. You’re welcome.
18. That new shine
Vaseline has another brilliant purpose that greatly outshines (yes, pun intended) its many other uses. One of these is that the thing is phenomenal at creating a bright and lovely sheen on whatever surface to which it is applied. Old scuffed shoes? Throw some Vaseline on ’em. Ugly downtrodden furniture? Put some Vaseline on it.
When you apply some Vaseline to a substance that has lost its former glean, the object will shine bright as new. This is great if you want to avoid getting struck by a car in traffic. It’s also great if you want to avoid looking like a chump next to your coworkers who have kept their shoes bright and shiny. You’re welcome for this one.
19. Remove stains
If you’re anything like us, you’re tired of spending thousands of dollars a year on cleaning products. You get lipstick stains. Gross. You get oil stains. Also gross. The only way to keep yourself in employable shape is to pay to play. Fortunately, Vaseline has come up with a solution to this problem. It’s called “smear it.”
When you apply some of the petroleum substance to the stain, it won’t take but a bit of scrubbing for the stains to be loosened and lost. You’ll have those lipstick stains gone in a matter of seconds. Fortunately for you, you’ll be ready for that after-party in a handful of petroleum seconds. Thank us later. Or now. Up to you.
20. Cheek highlighter
We’ve all been there before: You’re looking into the mirror and you realize something dire — your cheeks aren’t shining with the intensity that they once had. Fortunately, you’ve been emboldened by this article to reach for that Vaseline and try new and shiny things. Even more fortunately, this Vaseline can help to remedy this most catastrophic of problems.
When you apply some Vaseline to your cheeks, you will give them that shine that they had when you were a youth. And this shiny disposition has been shown in studies to increase your chances of getting a job by 400%. Really? Absolutely (not). So you’ll want to do yourself a favor and buy yourself enough Vaseline to bathe in. The results will surely astound you.
21. Remove eyelash glue
Again, another situation in which we have all found ourselves is that of having residual eyelash glue: We’ve glued on some lashes, taken them off, then been stuck with the sticky and uncomfortable plight. Fortunately for us, there is this lovely thing called Vaseline. And, in this case, it has again come to the rescue.
When you apply some Vaseline to the eyelashes coated in this awful goo, the result will blow your mind into an insurmountable state of discombobulation. From this state you shall likely never return. Regardless, the goo will come off with ease once you apply some of this miracle petroleum jelly. Moreover, the stuff can help to easily free the attached lashes.
22. Body scrub
What do you do when you run out of body scrub and are in need of some serious exfoliation? Well, you grab some Vaseline, of course! In this case, however, Vaseline by itself won’t do. Instead, you’ll want to mix the petroleum concoction with a couple of pinches of salt. And with this you will have created one of the cheapest and most effective body scrubs on the planet. How exciting!
When mixed with salt, this new mixture is given the adhesive properties needed to help exfoliate the skin. And with this exfoliation you have all you need to cleanse yourself anew. Your future self, then, will be prepared for any occasion. You can thank us for the future jobs you’ll win with your freshly cleansed skin.
If you ever learned anything from the period in which the show Jersey Shore ascended into popularity, it was probably that fake tanning is one of the best things ever. Now, this might not be because it looks good. Rather, it shows what you can do with the opulence of a first-world inhabitant. Look at how much disposable income you have!
Anyway, if you are one of those people who frequents the tanning bed, you might have realized a horrible conundrum — sometimes your perfect tan is besmirched by the occasional tan line. This uncomfortable fact is made all the worse by people who see these tan lines. Some Vaseline, however, can help to smooth out these lines. Apply beforehand and behold!
24. Keep them elbows soft
You’ve been there, I’ve been there — we’ve all been there: dry elbows! And there’s nothing that will ruin a family vacation or date more than a pair of dry elbows. Fortunately, if you pull out your Vaseline during one such date, your future partner will realize your near-unlimited resourcefulness and wed you right then and there.
Now, this can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on your date. Anyway, to remedy this plight, you should use some of that Vaseline. The goo will help to moisten up those elbows and impress all your friends. There’s nothing more impressive than a moisturized pair of elbows. Tell your friends. Tell your enemies. All should know.
25. Repair split ends
If you’re anything like me, you spend hours every morning trying to cover up those embarrassing split ends. And, also if you’re anything like me, you’ve longed and search for a way to lessen this absurd number of hours. Fortunately, once we learned of the utility of Vaseline, we gave it a try on this most pernicious problem.
When Vaseline is applied to the split ends in question, the result is fantastic. Not only will you blush with the best remedied ends of your lifetime, but you will balk at the seemingly endless possibilities. In fact, you will balk at the actually limitless possibilities. You might want to do yourself a favor and purchase as many vats of Vaseline as you can possibly manage. You won’t regret it.